When Bogeymen Attack
by Kaori
Summary: The final installment Bogeymen in Space. A shuttle disappears on its way to L3 and the only clue is strange, orange goop. And where the hell is Duo!
1. Bogeymen of the Open Road

Kaori: I really should stop watching Comedy Central when I'm sugar high. This fic is weird, even by my standards.

Ayamachi: You'd better write it, or Machigai and I will never let you sleep tonight!

Kaori: I hate you guys…

Machigai: Payback is a motherfucker, isn't it?

Kaori: Mm hmm…

When Bogeymen Attack

By Kaori

Chapter One: Bogeymen of the Open Road

The night had been long and arduous, and  the two young men riding in a green Testerosa were looking forward to some well-earned sleep. They were both very tired and it is well known that in this state, the human brain starts to wander…

"It's dark tonight, isn't it Wu?" Duo said, a little nervously. The Chinese boy nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. "I wonder how dark it really is… Hey. Turn off the headlights for a few seconds."

"Why?" Wufei mumbled.

"I wanna see how dark it is." The braided one replied.

"Maxwell, if I turn off the headlights, I won't be able to see where I'm driving." Duo was undaunted.

"Oh, c'mon. Just for a couple of seconds!"

"You're not going to leave me alone until I do what you ask, are you?" Wufei sighed.

"Nope." Duo grinned.

"Fine. But only for a few secons." Wufei muttered flicking off the headlights and they were plunged into darkness.

"AAGH!!!" Wufei quickly turned the headlights back on.

"That's frickin' dark." Duo mumbled, hyperventilating a little. Wufei nodded in agreement, unable to reply audibly.

They drove on in silence for three miles before Duo spoke again. "Do you believe in the Bogeyman, Wu?"

"Of course not." Wufei snorted, a tinge of fear in his voice. "Why?"

"Well, I was just wondering what we'd do if the Bogeyman showed up." Wufei shot him a 'what-are-you-nuts?" look. "Oh come on Wuffie, don't tell me you've never thought about it."

"Well…"

"Ah ha! I thought so!" Duo snickered. "Sooo….. what _would_ you do?"

"About what?"

"What would you do if the Bogeyman showed up right now?"

"From ahead or behind?"

"Up ahead."

"Run over him with the car of course." Wufie scoffed.

"Okay. But what happens if you don't hit him hard enough and you piss him off and he starts chasin' us? What do you do then?"

"Maxwell…" Wufei warned.

"No, seriously. What if he starts chasing us? The Bogeyman can run like hell.."

*THUNK*

"Aagh! What was that?!" Duo howled.

"Calm down, Maxwell. We probably just ran over a…. tree branch. Yeah, that's it, a tree branch." Wufei said. The words would have been more reassuring if the car hadn't sped up from 45 miles per hour to 70.

"…or we just ran over the Bogeyman."

"Duo, knock it off. There's no such thing as the Bogeyman!"

"How do you know? If you're so damn sure that there's no Bogeyman then why are you going 85?" Wufei didn't answer him. "Oh man… we are so gonna die! We ran over the Bogeyman and now he's coming for our asses…"

"Duo, shut up!"

"Now I lay me down to sleep…"

"DUO!!!" Wufei didn't have time to strangle his braided companion, however, because just then a squad car came up behind them and the police officer told them to pull over. Wufei reluctantly did so. The officer stepped out of the patrol car and sauntered over to the car.

He was very tall, about six foot eight, and dressed in the traditional highway patrol uniform. His hat was pulled over his face and he was wearing brown gloves with yellow stripes on the sides. "License and registration." He said. Wufei complied while Duo kept looking nervously into the rear view mirror. "Mr. Chang, do you know how fast you were going?" Before Wufei could answer Duo butted in.

"But officer! You don't understand!" he protested. "The Bogeyman is after us! Wufei ran over him and pissed him off!"

"Really?" the officer replied in an amused tone that Wufei really didn't like.

"Yeah! He's probably totally pissed off and if he catches us, he'll kill us!"

"Oh, I'll do worse than that…" the "officer" said, whipping off his hat.

"Shit!! It's the Bogeyman!!!!" Wufei screamed, slamming his foot on the gas.

"BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!" the Bogeyman laughed and chased after them.

Into the night they sped, the Bogeyman hot on their trail; taunting them and laughing evily.

"We're gonna die!! We're gonna die!!" Duo wailed. "I'm too young and handsome to die! Drive Wu-man! Drive!"

"Bleheheheheh!! I'm coming for you boys! Mwuahahahahahahaha!" The Bogeyman laughed.

"Wufei… Do something." Duo whimpered.

"Hang on." Wufei snarled, shifting the car into third.

"Ooh! You think you can outrun me?" the Bogeyman cackled. "You won't get far…" and he suddenly blurred from view.

"I think you lost him, Wu." Duo sighed, sinking into the seat. Wufei slowed down and let the tension seep out of his muscles.

"Oh come now, you really didn't think I'd give up _that_ easily, did you?" a voice said from the backseat. Both boys turned around slowly. "Going my way? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

EPLILOGUE

Heero found the green Testerosa was found the next day in a ditch ten miles away from the safehouse. The occupants of the car were scared shitless and everyone else was at a loss to explain how they got in such a state; especially since neither Wufei nor Duo would say what had happened. After all… no one was going to believe that they had been chased by the Bogeyman. Or would they….

~OWARI~

Hi minna-chan! Kaori here! On the next When Bogeymen Attack: Bogeymen of the Household! Don't miss it! ^_^


	2. Bogeymen of the Household

Kaori: I forgot to put up a disclaimer for the last chapter so… Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me and I am making no money from this fic. Which is sad really because I could use the money…

When Bogeymen Attack

By Kaori

Chapter Two: Bogeymen of the Household

Two weeks had past since the night Wufei drove the car into the ditch and Quatre's curiosity was burning. What had happened to them that night, and why are they so unwilling to talk about it? Little did he suspect that he was going to find out… in the worst way.

*Ring Ring*

"Somebody get the phone!" Duo yelled from kitchen.

*Ring Ring*

"Why don't you get it?" Heero yelled back. He was upstairs.

*Ring Ring*

"I can't! I've got to make sure this pot doesn't boil over!" *Ring Ring* "Why don't you get it?"

"I'm in the bathroom!" *Ring Ring* "Trowa get the phone!" *Ring Ring*

"I can't, I'm in the middle of something!" Trowa shouted from the hangar.

*Ring Ring*

"Can't you put it down for a few seonds?" Duo yelled.

*Ring Ring*

"No. I'm fixing the wiring on Heavyarms!" *Ring Ring* "Why don't you get it, Duo?"

*Ring Ring*

"I already told, Heero! I can't let this pot boil over!" *Ring Ring* "Where's Wufei?"

"He's out!" Heero yelled. *Ring Ring* "Somebody answer the freakin' phone already!" *Ring Ring*

"We can't!" Trowa and Duo yelled. *Ring Ring*

"Oh for heaven's sake! I'll get it!" Quatre yelled, picking up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Is Chang Wufei there?" a mysterious voice said.

"Um… no, he's out. Do you want to leave a message?" The voice on the other end chuckled chillingly.

"Yes… tell him 'I owe you for the ride and I'm coming to collect.'" And with that the line went dead.

"Hello? Hello, are you still there?" Hearing no response, Quatre shrugged and hung up the phone. He walked into the kitchen where Duo was stirring the chili he was making for dinner.

"Who was it for, Q?" Duo asked, not taking his eyes off the pot.

"Wufei. The guy on the line said to tell him that he owes Wufei for a ride and is coming to collect." Duo whirled around, nearly knocking the pot off the stove.

"WHAT?!"

"Is something wrong, Duo?" Quatre asked, concerned. Duo quickly regained his composure and went back to stirring the pot.

"Hand me some of those chili peppers, would you?" Quatre frowned, but did as he was asked. He'd get the story out of Duo yet.

6:00 in the evening and the pilots had gathered in the dining room to see what Duo had made this time. Contrary to popular belief,  Duo was actually a very good cook. "I hope you guys have plenty to drink 'cause I made Maxwell's Nine Alarm Chili!" Duo grinned.

"Feh, what's so special about some soup?" Wufei snorted. Duo's grin turned wicked.

"You'll see…" he chuckled, spooning out the chili. The boys dug in hungrily. Ten minutes passed and they thought that Duo had been joking about the intensity of the chili, they were wrong. Almost simultaneously Wufei, Heero, Trowa, and Quatre grabbed their glasses and gulped down the contents. Duo (who had been taking sips of water every three mouthfuls) sat back and enjoyed the spectacle. Heero recovered first.

"Duo, that's some chili…" he coughed.

"Thank you." Duo smiled, taking another mouthful of the stuff. Quatre was really red in the face.

"That's got to be the understatement of the century." He wheezed. "I had no idea chili peppers could be so hot…"

"They're not. I had to use bird peppers and goat peppers(1) to spice it up some more." Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei looked at him like he was crazy; Heero just glared.

"You didn't have to put all that in there. If this chili were any hotter we'd have to call an ambulance."

"Call…Oh! That reminds me!" Quatre exclaimed. "Wufei, some guy called earlier. He said to tell you that 'he owes you for a ride and he's coming to collect'." Wufei dropped his spoon and Duo fidgeted in his seat.

"No… it couldn't be…" he muttered.

"Couldn't be what?" Trowa asked.

"Nothing, never mind…"

"NO." Quatre growled. "You two have been acting weird ever since the car accident! Now what's going on that's got you and Duo so spooked?"

"You wouldn't believe us, if we told you." Duo replied, sullenly. "Just drop it, Quatre." Quatre bit his lip and glared at 02 and 05.

"Fine." He ground out. "But one of these days you're going to tell us what happened."

"I think they need to explain right now." Heero said, leveling his gun at Duo's forehead.

"Go ahead and kill Maxwell if you want." Wufei said stubbornly. "I'm not talking!"

"WUFEI!!" Duo shrieked.

"You have ten seconds." Heero stated, cocking the gun. "Nine…" Duo whimpered and Wufei crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I dare you to do it."

"Eight…Seven…"

"Wufei, I think he means it this time." Quatre said.

"Six…"

"Feh." Wufei snorted.

"Five…"

"I won't talk."

"Four…" Heero continued. Wufei was starting to look worried now.

"He wouldn't really shoot Maxwell, would he?" Quatre and Trowa shrugged in response; Wufei paled. "Oh Nataku…"

"Three…two…."

"All right!!! All right!! ThereasonIdrovethecarintotheditchthatnightwasbecausewewerebeingchasedbytheBogeymanandnowhe'scomingtofinishwhathestarted!!" Wufei blurted.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." Heero said, still pointing the gun at Duo who was two seconds away from passing out from fright.

"You actually understood all of that?" Trowa raised an eyebrow. Heero shrugged.

"It's not too difficult. Duo does the same thing if I threaten him long enough."

"Injustice…" Wufei muttered.

"_What_ did he say?!" Quatre asked, a little too eagerly.

"He says that the reason he drove the car into the ditch that night was because the Boogeyman was chasing them."

"You're right. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"Oh, I don't think it's so ridiculous." A voice said from the doorway. The five pilots turned around very slowly. "We meet again Mr. Chang." Quatre fainted, Trowa and Heero just stared wide-eyed at the insidious horror leaning casually in the doorway.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Duo and Wufei screamed and dove under the dining table. The Bogeyman, ignored the other three pilots and dove after them; dragging them out kicking and screaming.

"Naughty, naughty. You can't hide from me! I'll teach you to run me over."

"Don't bother, we already know how…" Duo said, wrenching himself from the Bogeyman's grasp, knocking him over and running like a bat out of hell. Wufei followed directly. Quatre woke up from his faint just as the Bogeyman got up to chase them.

"That…that…w-was…the…Buh…Buh…Boogeyman!!!!" He stuttered [nice Porky Pig impression that.^_^].

"Hn." Heero replied, too shocked to say anything else (not that he usual does anyway…).

"Should we help 'em?" Trowa asked.

"Are you crazy?!" Quatre cried. "I am _not_ chasing the Boogeyman! It's their mess, let them deal with it." Trowa and Heero sweatdropped.

Elsewhere, 05 and 02 were tearing through the corridors at breakneck speed trying to outrun the Bogeyman. Futile really, considering that the Bogeyman could overtake a sports car if he wanted to. "I can understand why he's chasing _you_." Duo panted. "But why is he chasing _me_? _I_ didn't run him over with the car! I was in the passenger seat, what the devil could he want from _me_?!"

"Shut up and run!" Wufei growled.

"Yes…" the Bogeyman taunted. "Run! Run, little men, because you're going down!!"

"Oh crap…oh crap…oh crap…." The two boys chanted as they ran through the house; the Bogeyman laughing and taunting them.

"First, I'm going to skin you alive! Then I'm going to rub salt all over your exposed muscles and tendons. Better yet… rubbing alcohol!! Bleheheheheh!!"

"You gotta catch us first!" Duo shouted, ducking into the library.

~ Momentary Fic Hijacking ~

Machigai: Kaori is hijacking her own fanfic to bring you this message!

Kaori: Let the reader be advised that following this interruption there will be a brief Scooby Doo referential scene; meaning costume changes and bad acting.

Ayamachi: As if this wasn't already too much like Scooby Doo…

Machigai: I swear, Shaggy is on drugs!

~ End Hostage Situation ~

The Bogeyman skidded into the library but didn't find Wufei and Duo, but a Chinese Dr. Watson and a braided Sherlock Holmes. "Observe Watson." Said 'Holmes'. "The singularly pointed horns on yon Bogeyman's head, and how his fur is unkempt and foul smelling. I do believe, good doctor, that if I were not so inclined towards stoicism I would shit my pants."

"Quite." 'Watson' nodded.

"Be a sport, fetch me my violin so that I may think more clearly on the subject."  'Watson' handed 'Holmes' Quatre's violin that was resting in the armchair. 'Holmes' plucked the strings a few times and then began to play "God Save the Queen"….badly. The Boogeyman covered his ears in agony at the sound of the sour notes.

"Argh!! Stop it!! My ears!" he grabbed the violin and smashed it on the floor. The Bogeyman made to grab the costumed pilots' necks but was startled from it by a gunshot. "What the…" he turned around and found himself staring down the barrel of a Ruger 10/22 shotgun with pissed off 04 on the other end; ZERO system glare and all. Duo and Wufei weren't sure whether to be afraid of the Bogeyman, or Quatre at this point, so they just stood where they were and hoped that they wouldn't get shot by accident.

The Boogeyman sweatdropped; he'd never had a gun in his face before and the blonde boy holding it definitely wasn't afraid of him. "You…broke…my…violin." Quatre said slowly. "DIE!!!!" The Bogeyman quickly ducked as Quatre fired the rifle at near point-blank range. "Hold still you coward!!" he yelled adjusting his aim. The evil creature ran out the door, Quatre chasing after him.

"I'll be back!!" the Bogeyman screamed, leaping out the window. Once he was out of sight Quatre reverted to his normal, sweet self.

"Oh dear, why do I have a shotgun?" he asked confused; Duo whistled nonchalantly as he hid the broken pieces of violin under the armchair. Trowa and Heero came in a few seconds later. They glanced at Quatre (who was looking at the shotgun and scratching his head), looked at Wufei (fainted on the floor), then at Duo (who sat down very heavily on the floor and joined Wufei in blissful unconsciousness), and finally observed the buckshot holes in the floor. 01 and 03 looked at each other, nodded, and went back to the dining room as if nothing had happened.

~Owari~

Hi all! Kaori here. Next time on When Bogeymen Attack! – Bogeymen on Vacation!

Gundam Boys: NANI??!!!!


	3. Bogeymen on Vacation

When Bogeymen Attack

By Kaori

Chapter Two: Bogeymen on Vacation

Needing a change of scenery (since their present one was riddled with bullet holes), the pilots decided to go to the Silvertone Heights Resort to calm their nerves. Wufei and Duo had to be… convinced…

Flashback 24 hours

"NOOOO!! If we leave he'll get us for sure!!! You can't make us go!!! INJUSTICE!!! Leggo my legs!!!" Wufei cried, clinging to Altron's leg as Trowa and Quatre tried to pry him off. "Nataku!! Help me!!" The Gundam stood there impassively and watched as it's pilot made an idiot out of himself; 03 and 04 sweatdropped and pulled harder. Outside, Heero was having a similar problem with Duo.

"I don't wanna! I don't wanna!! You can't make me!!" Duo whined from the top of the oak tree.

"Duo, don't make me come up there to get you…" Heero warned.

"I'm not going." Duo huffed.  "What's the point? The Bogeyman is going to come and get us anyway; at least here I have the home field advantage!" Heero sighed and raked his hands through his hair.

"If you don't come down, I'm going to shoot you."

"You always say that!"

"I mean it this time."

"I'm not moving."

BANG!!

Present

Fortunately for Duo, Heero missed but succeeded in startling the braided boy into falling out of the tree. After employing a similar tactic to make Wufei relinquish his hold on his Gundam, they got into Trowa's van and headed for the resort. Once there, the boys were shown to their respective rooms.

"Look at that beautiful water! Smell that ocean breeze!" Quatre sighed, standing on the balcony of the hotel suite he was sharing with Trowa. "What say we go swimming after lunch?"

"Sounds good." Trowa replied, after checking out the mini bar. "Let's go ask the others if they want to come with."

Heero answered the door, which surprised Quatre because Duo usually did that. "Where's Duo and Wufei?" Quatre asked, peering into the three-bedroom suite.

"Cowering behind the couch." Heero replied impassively. "They were worried that the Bogeyman as at the door."

"That's absurd. The Bogeyman has no idea where we are. I mean it took him two weeks to find them the first time."

"Tell that to them." Hero snorted. "Did you want something?"

"We wanted to know if you guys wanted to come swimming with us after lunch." Trowa asked.

"Are you crazy?!" Duo screeched, his head popping up from behind the couch. "The Bogeyman's spies may be out there!" Wufei's head appeared in a similar fashion.

"We're staying right here." He growled, and they both disappeared behind the couch again. Heero, Quatre, and Trowa rolled their eyes and sighed. 

On the beach, Heero and Trowa were tanning while Quatre messed around on a Jet Ski. "Do you think it was a good idea to leave Wufei and Duo alone?" Trowa asked.

"Hn." Heero grunted.

"If you say so…"

~Fic Hijacking~

Kaori: [holding the fic hostage] All right! Don't make any sudden moves or the fanfic gets it! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Machigai and Ayamachi: [look at each other] Tranq gun…

BANG

Kaori: Zzzzzz…..

~Hijacking situation diffused. Now resuming fanfic~

Back in the suite, Duo and Wufei were playing King's Corners (1) on the coffee table when there was knock at the door. "Yeah?" Duo yelled, placing his Jack of spades on the Queen of diamonds.

"Room Service!" said the voice on the other side of the door. Duo and Wufei looked at each other.

"Did you order anything?" Wufei asked.

"No. Did you?" Duo countered.

"Uh, uh." Another knock at the door.

"Hello?" the person on the other side called. "Room Service, I'm here with your complimentary fruit basket!"

"Why didn't you say so in the first place?" Duo said, getting up and opening the door. A young man with a crew cut was standing there carrying a large basket of fruit.

"Here you are sir, compliments of the resort."

"Thanks." Duo tipped him and closed the door. "Look, Wu! They even have pineapples! Should we eat it all now, or wait until the others get back." Wufei stared greedily at the luscious fruits.

"Screw them. If they wanted fruit they should have stayed here with us."

"I like the way you think, Wu-man."

"Shut up and pass me that honeydew melon…"

Returning to the happy trio on the waterfront, Quatre had returned the rented Jet Ski and he was now basking in the sun with 01 and 03. The latter two were playing a game of Beach Bunny 10.

"What about that one over there?" Trowa said, pointing at a buxom brunette in a bikini.

"Too tall. Nice legs though. I give her a seven." Heero replied, adjusting his sunglasses.

"Too tall for you maybe." Trowa smirked. "Nine."

"What did you take off points for?"

"Boyfriend." Trowa muttered, pointing to a muscular guy that suddenly ran up to the aforementioned brunette and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

"Ah." Heero looked to his left. "What about that one over there?"

"Which one?"

"The red-head in the green one-piece with no back."

"Ooh, ten!"

"I agree, ten!"

"Eight, she's married." Quatre muttered from his lounge chair. Trowa and Heero looked at him in shock.

"How do you know?" Trowa accused, after recovering his senses.

"Watch her carefully." Quatre said enigmatically. "There!" He exclaimed as an unmistakable glint reflected off her left hand in the bright sunlight.

"Damn…" the other two boys muttered.

"Doesn't mean we can't look." Heero said.

"I beg to differ…" A deep voice growled and before they knew what had happened everything went black.

The unlucky trio woke up in Heero, Duo, and Wufei's suite with massive headaches. "Oww…" Quatre moaned. "Note to self, when watching girls keep your eyes out for their husbands."

"Ditto." Trowa muttered, rubbing his head. "What did that guy hit us with anyway?"

"Beach umbrella." Duo said, entering the room with three ice packs on a tray and a smug grin on his face. "You three should be ashamed of yourselves."

"You're a fine one to talk, oh Hentai no Kokuou (2)." Heero growled, taking the ice pack from Duo. 

"Nope,sorry. That title belongs to great great uncle Happosai (3)." Duo passed around the ice packs. 

"At least when I go girl watching I have enough sense not to get clobbered." Wufei snickered at them from the other side of the room.

"It's not funny Wufei." Trowa snapped.

"You're right…" Wufei said. "It's hysterical! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" THWACK!! Quatre decked him with a chair. The remaining conscious pilots stared at him in disbelief.

"I'm going to bed. My head hurts…" Quatre hissed and exited the suite, Trowa following behind. 

"I'd better get another ice pack." Duo sighed.

"Hn." Heero smirked, poking Wufei. "Hey, Chang. You dead?"

"Yes…" Wufei groaned.

Dinner time rolled around and things went relatively smoothly. The operative word being 'relatively' since Wufei and Duo insisted on eating under the table for fear of the Boogeyman. After dinner, the boys spent the rest of the evening in their rooms watching television before going to bed. 

Quatre was sleeping peacefully on the king sized bed, buried in the covers (Anybody know why the temperature in hotel rooms have to be equivalent to that of an industrial meat fridge?) when he suddenly got the feeling that something was amiss. Blearily, he extracted himself from the sheets and looked around his room. Mm… nothing. There's the dresser over there, door to the common room, the Boogeyman, door to the bathroom… Wait a minute…

"Hello Mr. Winner." Grinned the Boogeyman, fangs glinting in the darkness.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Quatre leaped out of bed dashed out of the room, tore into Trowa's bedroom, and leaped into his bed.

"What the hell!" Trowa yelped (which is the proper exclamation for when people unexpectedly jump into bed with you). He looked down at the quivering mass next to him. "Quatre? What are you doing in here?"

"The Boogeyman is after me!" Quatre whimpered. Trowa rolled his eyes and sighed.

"That's not possible. The Boogeyman doesn't know where we are."

"That's what you think." Someone chuckled. Trowa cautiously cast his eyes about the room but didn't see anything. "Down here." He looked under the bed and staring back at him was a pair of luminescent yellow eyes. "Boo."

"YAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Trowa screamed. He grabbed Quatre by the wrist and dragged him out of the room as he ran for the other suite.

Heero was sound asleep when the sound of someone pounding on the door awakened him. Drawing his gun he cautiously opened the door and was almost knocked down by Trowa and Quatre. Blinking, he put his gun away and walked over to the couch. "You'd better have a good reason for waking me up." Trowa and Quatre poked their heads up from behind the couch.

"It's the Boogeyman! He's here!" Quatre quivered.

"He's going to kill us!" Trowa added. Wufei and Duo entered the room, faces ashen.

"Please tell me this is a very bad joke." Duo whimpered.

"No joke." Quatre said, still shaking. Ever the voice of reason, Heero cocked his gun.

"We'll just have to kill him before he gets you then."

"What do you mean, 'before he gets you'?" Wufei frowned.

"The Boogeyman isn't after me and as far as I know, he's only after Trowa for helping Quatre get away." Heero replied.

"You can't kill Dra…  I mean the Boogeyman with an ordinary gun!" Duo exclaimed.

"You were going to say, Dracula. Weren't you?" Wufei said, elbowing Duo.

"Well how do you kill the Boogeyman?" Quatre asked. The boys looked at each other at a loss for an explanation. They were jolted from their contemplation however, when the Boogeyman broke through the door.

"Now you will all die! No one runs over me, or tries to kill me and gets away with it!!" he howled. Not having any other option, the boys ran to the balcony and jumped, fortunately they were only on the third floor. They landed on the sand and tore like heck down the waterfront. "Come back here!" The Boogeyman roared.

"This is all your fault Maxwell." Wufei growled.

"Me?!" I never told you to run over the Boogeyman!" Duo retorted.

"If you hadn't been distracting me I could have avoided running over him!"

"Guys, you're not helping." Quatre seethed.

"You cannot escape me!" The Boogeyman hollered after the fleeing pilots. "I'll rip the flesh off of your bones and use them for toothpicks!" The boys ran faster.

"I'm beginning to wonder why he hasn't caught us by now…" Duo said.

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth, Maxwell." Wufei retorted.

"No he's right. The Boogeyman can run much faster than this, so what's the deal?" Quatre said. Heero looked behind him. There was the Boogeyman chasing them with murder in his eyes, but he was…limping!

"He's limping. Quatre must've shot him in the leg when we were at the house."

"That doesn't solve our problem much, he's still chasing us." Trowa pointed out as they ran into spa. "Quick! Into the sauna!"

Once inside the steaming hot room, Wufei poured water onto the hot coals so that the steam would completely fill the room. Not even the Boogeyman would be able to see them in all of that. Outside the sauna, the pilots could hear the Boogeyman ranting and tearing apart the spa.

"Oh man…" Duo moaned, stripping off his shirt. "This is sooo messed up. Oz soldiers and crazy stalkers I can handle; being threatened within an inch of my life, no prob; but creepy, homicidal creatures of the night…"

"Wait, say that again." Quatre said.

"Creepy homicidal creatures of the….ooohhh!! I gotcha!"

"What are you talking about?" Heero frowned.

"That's odd, usually you're pretty quick on the uptake…" Duo mused, earning himself a gun pointed at his head. "Think about it, Heero. The Boogeyman only comes after us at night, what would happen to him if he got caught in broad daylight?" Heero put the gun away satisfied with the answer.

"But that means we'll have to leave the sauna." Wufei pointed out. "And there's one hour before daylight."

"Half an hour." Heero corrected.

"Whatever, the point is, how are we going to keep the Boogeyman busy for an hour?" The other pilots looked at Duo with wicked grins on their faces. Duo paled.

"Oh hell no… I am NOT doing _that_ again. No way!" Duo exclaimed.

"Please, Duo!" Quatre implored, giving Duo the dreaded puppy eyes. "It's our only chance."

"Think of something else! Besides I need a liquor cabinet and a maid's outfit for that!"

"Have you forgotten where we are, Duo?" Trowa said, raising an eyebrow.

"I won't do it."

Fifteen minutes later (ten of which was spent sneaking out of the sauna and into the beauty parlor), Duo was standing in the ballroom clad in a revealing maid's uniform with his hair down. Heero had raided the bar and the pilots loaded the assorted alcoholic beverages onto a trolley. They could hear the Boogeyman storming the hotel looking for them. "Here he comes." Trowa said.

"I'm going to kill you guys for this…" Duo swore, trying to pull his skirt down.

"Just don't screw up." Wufei warned. Duo was about to retort when the Boogeyman ran in, eyes darting all over the room before settling on the pilot in drag. Totally forgetting why he had entered the room in the first place, he slid over to wear Duo was standing.

"What's a nice little girl like you doing all alone in a place like this?" he purred.

"I was about to take these fine liqueurs to their rooms…" resisting the urge to wretch, Duo added. "…unless, of course, you have something more interesting in mind?" The Boogeyman leered at her and pretty soon they were sitting in front of one of the curtained windows drinking very expensive wine. Now the other pilots knew from experience that Duo could drink almost anybody under the table; the Boogeyman was not aware of this (or of the fact that the little maid was in fact a little conniving Gundam pilot) and within ten minutes, was drunk as a skunk. Four minutes later, he was asleep. With one minute left until sunrise, the other pilots wasted no time in lashing the intoxicated Bogeyman to the chair. In an almost malicious manner they counted down the seconds until sunrise.

"Five…four…three…two.." they chanted. "ONE!" and with that they threw open the drapes exposing the evil monster to the rising sun.

As soon as those first rays of sunlight hit him, the Boogeyman woke up screaming and writhing, unable to escape. "Burn in hell!!" Duo yelled triumphantly. The Boogeyman screamed horribly and then exploded in a glorious burning mass. The five pilots quietly left the ballroom, relieved that their nightmare was finally over…

…or was it?? 

~OWARI~ (for now anyway)

Ohayo minna-chan! Coming soon on When Bogeymen Attack! – Bogeymen of the Islands, featuring me, Kaori!!

Duo, Wufei, and Quatre: WHAT?!

Kaori: Well actually I'll be using my real name…anyhow… stay tuned! You don't want to miss a thing!

1) King's Corners is a card game that can be played with two to four people. There's also a solitaire version. 

2) Translation: King of Perverts.

3) Yeah, I know Happosai and Duo aren't really related but wouldn't it be funny if they were?


	4. Bogeymen of the Islands

When Bogeymen Attack!

By Kaori

Chapter Three: Bogeymen of the Islands

It's been over a year since the so-called Bogeyman Fiasco, but things had finally gone back to what the pilots called normal. Today, they were on their way to the Preventers office to get their assignment details from Lady Une.

"I'm glad you are all here." Lady Une smiled. "We have some rather urgent business to take care of."

"We figured as much." Wufei snorted. "You never call us in for the easy ones."

"Quite true." Une nodded.

"So what is it this time?" Duo said, stretching his hands above his head. "Kidnapping? Terrorist threat?"

"Drug dealers." Une replied.

"Aww, that's boring."

"Possibly, but the drugs these people are trafficking aren't for humans, they're for computers."

"Say what?!" Duo squawked. 

"Virtual narcotics(1), right?' Heero asked, the commander nodded in response.

"They can supposedly crash an entire network in minutes when introduced to a system." Duo looked over at Heero and grinned evilly, Heero glared at him.

"Don't even think about it."

"I don't know what you mean, Heero." Duo said but the evil smirk on his face said otherwise.

"Anyway." Une cleared her throat. "We can't let these virtual narcotics get out. Who knows what chaos will be caused if someone with a serious agenda got a hold of them."

"Where's the target located?" Trowa asked.

"The Bahamas. Specifically, the island of New Providence(2)."

"WOO HOO!! We're going to the Bahamas!!" Duo cheered.

"This isn't a pleasure trip Maxwell." Wufei snorted.

"It could be one." Une mused aloud, Heero quirked an eyebrow. "I'll tell you what, if you can bring in the virtual narcotic dealers in within three weeks, I'll give you three months vacation… with pay." Duo's eyes lit up, Quatre blinked in surprise, and the other three pilots smirked.

"Ninmu ryoukai." They replied.

Surprisingly, it only took them a week to find and bring in the drug dealers. To say Une was impressed was an understatement. Needless to say, they earned their vacation. 

Two months in the archipelago they had gotten to know a few of the locals rather well one of which, had been leading the boys on a tour of sorts. Bianca Armbrister was only a few months younger than they were (3), and as far as the pilots knew had nothing to do with the war at all, yet she had this dangerous air of a person who had seen too many horrible things. Currently the mahogany skinned girl was climbing up a coconut tree so she could make them some gin and coconut water.

"How did she get up there so fast?" Duo muttered, staring up at the tree.

"She's probably used to it." Trowa shrugged.

"Hey! Watch out down there! You _don't_ want to be hit by these things!" Bianca's voice called from the tree.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Duo yelled back, grinning.

THUNK. THUNK. THUNK. Coconuts fell from the tree. When there were about fifteen of them, Bianca slid down the tree trunk and started splitting them with a machete; all the while keeping up a steady stream of conversation with Quatre and Duo. Pretty soon there was enough to fill the pitcher and so they decided to go out while the liquid cooled. Two of Bianca's cousins had come by earlier and asked if they wanted to go club hopping.

They started at the one closest to Bianca's house, The Zoo and worked there way up to Club Waterloo. At Waterloo, Duo and Bianca tore it up on the dance floor while the others sat around and drank. Two o' clock in the morning, they staggered back to the hotel. Bianca was too drunk to drive so Quatre decided to get her a room for the night. However, the boys didn't sleep very well…

"I swear, something touched me." Duo murmured over his coffee.

"You too?" Quatre blinked. "It felt like someone kept trying to get me to eat something." Heero, Wufei, and Trowa walked in looking like crap and definitely hung over. "Hi guys, sleep well?"

"No." Heero and Wufei growled.

"Where's the coffee?" Trowa mumbled; he looked more tired than everyone else. Duo pointed over to a buffet table in the corner of the room. When he came back, the others noticed just how tired he really was when he kept spooning sugar onto the table.

"Man, and I thought I got no rest last night…" Duo murmured.

"Oh I slept, but I sure don't feel like it." Trowa sighed. "I had the weirdest dream too…"

"Must have been some dream, you were drooling from both sides of your mouth."

"What?!" Trowa blinked. Bianca entered looking hung over but rested enough to be pleasant.

"Good morning, all." she yawned. The pilots scowled at her but she ignored it, well used to people being annoyed with her. "Okay so it's not a good morning. What bit you guys in the ass?"

"We got no sleep last night." Heero muttered, irritably.

"Really? I slept the sleep of the just (4) last night." Wufei quirked an eyebrow at this but decided to ask about that later. Bianca walked over to the buffet table, made herself some tea and sat down next to Duo. She gasped when she looked at Trowa's face. "Oh my God!!!!"

"What?" Trowa asked, startled.

"Jumbey ride you last night!!" she hollered, pointing at him with a shaky finger.

"What?" the pilots blinked.

"Jumbey." Bianca repeated. "Trowa's got the bridle marks on his mouth, a jumbey rode him last night."

"No wonder I'm so damn tired…" Trowa groaned.

"What the heck is a 'jumbey'?" Duo demanded.

"Well…" Bianca drawled and took a sip of her tea. "It's an evil spirit that comes after people at night and tries to put a magical bridle in their mouth. If they are successful the jumbey will ride the person like a donkey all night." 

Now, under normal circumstances, none of them would believe such a story, but after having the Boogeyman chase you some things don't sound so farfetched anymore.

"So what does this mean?" Quatre asked.

"It means that Trowa will eventually be turned into a donkey unless we do something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. I've never had to deal with a jumbey before… but I know someone who has."

Three hours later, Bianca and the pilots found themselves standing in front of a semi-dilapidated clapboard house belonging to an Obeah(5) woman. "Now you let me do all the talking." Bianca warned. "Auntie Merle!! Oh Auntie Merle!!" she called. The voice of an elderly woman floated from inside.

"Yeah, yeah, I commin'. Hold on…" A wrinkled, brown-skinned, old woman emerged from the house dressed in a spotless, white dress, a matching head cloth, and no shoes. "What you want?" the woman demanded. Bianca pulled Trowa forward.

"One jumbey did ride muh friend here las' night." Bianca said, speaking in the local dialect as she always did when speaking to her fellow countrymen (or angry or excited). The old woman looked Trowa up and down.

"I don' see why, He don' look like he'd make a good donkey." Merle snorted. "Now ya Chinese frien', look like he hard-head (6). He'd make a good donkey." Heero, Duo, and Trowa snickered, Quatre politely held back his giggles, and Wufei fumed at the old woman. Bianca just smiled at her.

"He may not look like it, but he's strong. Will you help us?"

"I'll help, but you gat to pay the price…" Merle said ominously. The boys looked at each other in dread, their companion merely nodded in acceptance, reached into the brown bag she brought with her and pulled out…

"Here. One bottle of Absinthe(7)." The boys sighed in relief, the old woman jumped for joy.

"You gat yourself a deal." Merle cheered, snatching the bottle greedily. "Getting' rid of a jumbey is easy. First, you gat to ketch him before he put da bridle on ya frien', then you gats to put da bridle on da jumbey an' ride him for as long as you can. He shouldn't bother ya anymore after dat."

"T'ank you, Auntie Merle." Bianca said as they left the obeah woman. As the small group headed back into town something nagged at Quatre and he decided to ask the Bahamian girl about it.

"Um, Bianca. Is that woman really your aunt? You don't look like you're related…"

"Oh no, she's not my real aunt." Bianca explained. "Just about everybody calls her Auntie Merle, it's a term of respect. Like how I call my great grandma, 'Mother."' 

"Doesn't that get confusing when your real mother is around?" Duo asked.

"No, 'cause I call my mother, 'mom' or 'moomee'."

"Ah." Quatre and Duo nodded.

"Speaking of which, I gotta go. Mom wants me to fix her computer again..." she rolled her eyes at her mother's technological ineptitude(8). "You probably won't need my help with the jumbey so I guess I'll see you later." She said as she pulled up to the hotel. "Let me know what happens, okay?"

"Okay." Quatre said. "See you tomorrow!"

The boys spent the rest of the day on the beach (not watching girls, they'd learned their lesson *for now*) taking part in some water sports. Duo and Wufei were windsurfing, Heero, Trowa and Quatre decided to go snorkeling. After lunch, they stopped by the casino. Bianca's older brother was working around that time and he let them into the high rollers section and made sure that they were treated right. "Boy we're sure getting special treatment." Duo grinned.

"Not really." Heero said. "Byron always makes sure all the guests get proper attention."

"Yeah." Quatre nodded. "No cheating, you guys. He won't hesitate to kick us out just because we're his little sister's friends."

The boys stayed in the casino until dark. They didn't win a whole lot of money but at least they didn't leave bankrupt as some people are wont to do. They decided that now was a good a time as any to try and rid their friend of the jumbey curse. However…

"Don't worry Trowa, we're right here." Quatre soothed.

Trowa was stubbornly sitting on the sofa refusing to go to bed. "No way. What if you can't grab him?"

"Stop being an ass, Trowa." Duo said and then whapped his forehead. "Wrong choice of words…"

"I don't want to be an ass, that's why I'm not going to sleep." Trowa growled. "If I don't go to sleep, the jumbey can't get me." (9)

"And just how long do you suppose you'll be able to stay awake?" Heero said, mildly. "You got no rest last night despite being asleep and you look ready to pass out any minute." Trowa eyed 01 semi-contemptuously and produced a coffee pot from thin air. The other pilots groaned. 

"Plan B?" Wufei said, raising an eyebrow.

"Plan B." Duo nodded. Heero and Quatre looked at each other in confusion. Before anyone else could say anything Wufei jabbed a nerve in Trowa's neck and the taller pilot fell asleep.

"Hn." Heero nodded in approval. Quatre was a little perturbed that they had to resort to that.

"What would you have done if that didn't work?" he asked. Duo produced a baseball bat (from the same place Trowa got the coffee pot, no doubt) causing the blonde boy to sweatdrop.

"Come on, let's get him to bed."

Once Trowa was situated in his bed the other boys concealed themselves strategically around the room so as to catch the jumbey off guard. They didn't have to wait long for half an hour later, a wicked looking little man with horns and green skin phased through the window. 

The jumbey grinned upon spotting the sleeping form and produced the magical bridle from his pocket. Slowly he approached the bed, careful not to make any noise (not that it would have mattered). When he was about to slip the bridle on Trowa, the other four pilots leapt from their hiding places and sprang upon the jumbey.

Heero managed to wrestle the creature to the ground while Quatre and Wufei put the bridle on him; which meant it was up to Duo to mount the evil creature. Once the bridle was on Duo didn't have any trouble getting onto the jumbey's back. All that changed when he was on the jumbey because it took off like a rocket; 02 screamed all the way and hung on for all he was worth. Trowa chose that moment to wake up.

"Where's Duo?' he asked, blearily. The others didn't answer him which was okay because the silence made him realize exactly what his braided friend was doing.

Speaking of the God of Death, he was on his twentieth lap around the island (10) and was having a very hard time holding on to the reigns. Sure Deathscythe was fast but with the gundam he had the privilege of riding on the inside secured by a harness. The only thing keeping Duo on the jumbey's back was will power. //Just a little longer…//

Back at the hotel, the others were anxiously awaiting their friend's return. Wufei was meditating, Trowa, Heero, and Quatre were playing cards. They quickly grew sleepy however, so they took turns waiting for Shinigami to get back. Two, three, four o' clock in the morning and still no Duo. They were really worried at five o' clock in the morning when Duo still hadn't returned and they were about to call Bianca and ask her to help them search when there was a knock at the door; Bianca was standing there with an exhausted 02 leaning heavily on her. "You know, he's the first person to ever ride a jumbey for four hours straight." The braided girl said, handing Duo over to Heero.

"Where did you find him?" Quatre asked.

"I didn't. He ran into me." She said, sitting down on the settee. "I felt like something was wrong about two hours ago so I got up to come over here.  I was just about to get into my jeep when Duo and the jumbey slam into a tree across the street from my house. I think the jumbey got the full hit, Duo just fell off from the impact."

"Well at least it's all over." Wufei said. "Now if there are no objections, I'm going to bed."

Is it over? Of course not!!

On the next episode of When Bogeymen Attack! Bogeymen in Space!!

1) Dominion Crusher Police reference.

2) Tourists and travel agencies call it Nassau which is incorrect. Nassau is the capital of the island; New Providence is what the island is really called.

3) For the sake of the story I've messed with the pilots' ages. All the pilots are now twenty, I'm nineteen going on twenty.

4) The sleep of the just is a deep, restful sleep. It is said that only people with a clear conscience can accomplish this. My mother envies me and my dad because we can always attain this state and I can do it almost anywhere at anytime (I am notorious for putting myself to sleep whether I need the rest or not). 

5) Bahamian Voodoo.

6) Stubborn.

7) Normally the consequences for asking for help from an Obeah practitioner is more dire, but since this isn't all that serious a story, I decided to make the price a very expensive liquor. 

8) I need to clarify this. I know a lot of older people don't like computers or aren't very good at using them but my mother is something else. She's the only person I know that is the cause of her own technological problems. She's learning and she downloads programs that she doesn't understand simply because (and these are her words) it looked cool. Then she complains when her computer crashes or slows. What am I going to do with her?

9) Yes I realize that Trowa is being incredibly childish, but wouldn't you act the same way in this situation?

10) New Providence island is only 24 x 7 square miles and jumbeys (when bridled) are said to be incredibly fast. 


	5. Bogeymen in Space

Kaori: Took me forever but I did it! Here's the final episode!!

Muses: Thank kami…

Kaori: [Death Glare X 50] What was that? 

Muses: Nothing!

Disclaimer: All characters and/or products that have been copyrighted already do not belong to me. All non-copyrighted material found in this fic is now copyrighted by me!! Anybody who uses it will have to pay me big money!! Well…maybe not…just enough to cover my tuition, books, and food expenses…

When Bogeymen Attack

Chapter Four: Bogeymen in Space

"Nyeh." = speaking

//Nyeh." = thinking

Wufei was happily snacking on Slim Jims and watching "Crank Yankers" when…

"We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulleting." The newscaster said. "A shuttle that was en route to L3 has disappeared. Police have no leads as to what exactly happened save for a strange, orange substance found at the scene of the incident."

The Chinese pilot turned off the television as a feeling of foreboding suddenly washed over him. //Best not to think about it.//

The author and The Powers That Be snickered…

*Ring. Ring*

Wufei moaned and answered the vid-phone. Chief Une's image immediately popped up on screen; she did _not_ look happy.

"Chang, get your butt down here, NOW!" she commanded. "We have a situation here that requires your attention." Wufei sighed inwardly. It was going to be one of _those_ nights. And since misery loves company…

*Ring. Ring.*

"Winner Enterprises Incorporated, Malik here. How may I… Oh! Hello Ms. Noin! I'll get Master Quatre right away!" Malik's  image was replaced by Quatre's who beamed at the former instructor from behind a stack of paperwork.

"Hello Ms. Noin, it's been a while since I heard from you!"

"Nice to see you too, Quatre, although I wish I was calling under better circumstances…" Noin said, grimly.

"Is something wrong?" Quatre asked, warily.

"Seen the news lately?" the blonde blanched in response. "I'll see you at Preventers."

Trowa's act had just finished and he was about to go take a shower when he got the feeling that he was being followed. Briefly, he contemplated letting the lions out. "Must you sneak about like that?"

"I always had a thing for the dramatic." Sally Po replied, stepping out from behind a caravan. "Besides, I had to be sure we were alone. The last thing I need is your sister complicating this any further."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the news last night, would it?" Trowa asked, Sally nodded. "I was afraid of that…"

*Ring. Ring*

"No."

"You didn't even wait for me to say anything!"

"I know what you're going to ask me, Zechs and the answer is no."

"Look, Chang, Barton, and Winner are going along on this case…"

"Wufei doesn't have a choice, Quatre would never turn down a request for assistance, and Trowa is going to keep Quatre out of trouble."

"The world is in potential danger!" Zechs countered.

"So's my sanity. Find somebody else."

"Very well… you leave me no alternative." Zechs glared, and sent something to the other person via email. There was a pause as he read it.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I?"

"Damn you, Marquise…"

"I guess that means I'll be seeing you at Preventers then?"

"…mission accepted."

At Preventers, Chief Une greeted the four assembled young me; I say four because as of yet, no one had been able to find Duo. To be perfectly accurate, no one had seen him for three months.

"Baka probably knew this was going to happen." Wufei muttered.

"Actually," Quatre mused aloud. "I remember him saying something about going off somewhere before more weird stuff happened…"

"Well, weird stuff _has_ been happening to us a lot lately…" Trowa said. (Fanfiction authors everywhere snicker.) Wufei snorted.

"Weird is _not_ the word."

"Surreal is more accurate." Heero agreed.

"If you are quite finished I'd like to get on with this." Une interrupted.

"Shouldn't we wait for Duo?" Quatre asked, almost hopeful.

"We'll send him along once we find him, right now we're going to do a briefing." The former gundam pilots scowled at this but said nothing. Aggravating Une wasn't going to help matters but it was one way of paying her back. "I'm sure you've all heard the news so I won't go into that."

"Does that mean we can leave?" Trowa asked, getting up.

"No!" Une glared. "The reason I requested…."

"Ordered." Wufei corrected, earning himself a glare.

"_Requested_," Une growled. "you to be here was because of your experience with strange phenomena."

"Doot doo, doo-doo-doo….(1)" Quatre sang. 

"Interrupting me won't make this go any faster."

"God we hope so…" Heero said. A nerve ticked in Une's forehead.

And that's why, an hour later, they found themselves on a Preventer shuttle following the route of the one that vanished.

"Tell me again why we're doing this." Trowa muttered.

"Because if we didn't Une was going to tell the media the true cause of the San Andreas Fault Fiasco." Wufei replied lazily.

"Oh yeah…" Trowa suddenly glared at Heero. "I _told_ you not to set explosives so close to a fault line."

"California would've sunk into the sea eventually (2)." Heero grumbled.

"So you say…"

"Let's not fight, you guys." Quatre sighed. "It's bad enough that we're out here in the first place."

"Where the hell is Duo?" Heero ground out. //He should be out here suffering like the rest of us.//

"You know Une won't find him, right?" Wufei said. "Not without our help anyway. Maxwell can hide from anyone but us."

"We're here." Quatre announced.

"The area looked like any other spot in space, just with a glob o orange slime floating about.

"So, who wants to go and get it?"

Let's leave the boys to figure that out and see how Une is doing tracking down our favorite braided bishounen…

"Sally have you found him yet?" Une asked, rifling through some papers on her desk. The other woman shook her head.

"We're searched all over the L2 colony cluster and we've got people checking his last known whereabouts . However, things don't look good. The last person to see him was Hilde and that was some time ago."

"Well, when you do find him make sure you take every possible precaution to make sure he doesn't get away."

"I just hope we do find him."

Okay, back to the boys…

//I need help.// Heero growled to himself. //Stupid Dr. J and his brainwashing. Damn him to hell…// Not surprisingly, Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei had managed to convince Heero that it was his mission to get a sample of the goop. Needless to say, Heero is pissed but determined not to let the others know it. He'd get his revenge later…

He got close enough to the substance to start getting a sample, but before he could even get a thimble-full, the orange slime suddenly turned black and turned into a strange, swirling vortex.

"Heero!" Quatre's alarmed voice over the calm was the last thing he heard before he blacked out.

When he did wake up, he was staring into a pair of big, worried, blue eyes. "Where am I?" Heero demanded.

"Thank goodness, you're awake." Quatre sighed, sitting back so Heero could sit up. "As for where we are, I don't really know for sure. The shuttle was sucked into the vortex right after you were. When we woke up, we were in this cell."

"And you're not going to believe who's holding us captive." Wufei grumbled. Heero raised an eyebrow. "bogeymen." 01 groaned in annoyance.

//Why the hell is it always bogeymen?!//

Three hours later, if Trowa had the right of it, a couple of bogeyman opened their cell and motioned for them to follow. Not sure how they would fare in hand-to-hand combat with monsters, they obliged. They were led through a long corridor and, from what they could see, they were actually on a large spaceship. Unfortunately, they couldn't tell where in space they were or if they were still in the same solar system. At any rate, they finally came to a pair of large double doors that hissed open when one of the bogeymen placed his hand on it. What they say next made them want to scream.

Before them was a large meeting hall filled with bogeymen of every shape, size, and color. On one side of the room were the passengers from the L3 shuttle. On a platform at the end of the hall was a large, gray bogeyman (obviously their leader). He had three horns on his head, a lizard-like tail curled lazily around the chair he was seated in, and standing next to him, as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on…was Duo.

"Hey guys!" he called cheerily from the platform.  "What are you doing here?"

"Duo no baka!!!" Wufei yelled up at him. "We should be asking you that!! What is the meaning of this!? How did you get here?!!"

"Calm down, Wu-man and I'll explain the whole thing."

It turned out that Duo had been aboard the L3 shuttle when it hit ran into the orange ooze. Apparently, news had spread that the pilots had killed off one of their diplomats so they needed a way to get people to their world without any fighting. Since Duo was the only one aboard with any diplomatic connections, the King of the Bogeymen decided to discuss a treaty with him. He wasn't upset about the loss of his diplomat at all; never did like the guy much, anyway. The deal was this: the bogeymen would stop scaring the bejeezus out of people if humans agreed not to go around killing them off. Duo had just suggested that the treaty should simply be an agreement to leave each other alone when the pilots had accidentally triggered the vortex.

"Sorry about the jail time." The King of Bogeymen said. "We just needed to be sure you weren't here to harm us."

And so, after getting an okay from the Earth's leaders (which wasn't easy since they thought the pilots were crazy until the King showed up on the vid-screen), the treaty was signed and humans and bogeymen coexisted peacefully from that day on. And kids didn't have to worry about monsters under their bed…. just pedophiles and the ghost of John Gotti.

Owari! ^_^;;;;

1) I love that song. Every time somebody says the word "phenomena" I have to giggle because of it…

2) Old joke. Very old joke. I regret using it… a little…


End file.
